Ho Ho Ho Ho!
There ain´t nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It´s Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
Now I´m no wiccan commie nut or nothing
But there´s one damn holiday that I can´t stand
It ain´t Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
But it´ll surely make a fool out of every man
HA
If I ain´t drunk then it ain´t Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain´t hammered it ain´t hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I ain´t cockeyed then it ain´t Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and coke
If I ain´t drunk then it ain´t Christmas
Cause I ain´t never anything but broke
Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infantile
I think we collectively as a people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world:
"Let´s buy some peace and quiet for a change"
Before we spend it all on fucking toys.
HA
So if I ain´t drunk then it ain´t Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain´t hammered it ain´t hanukkah
Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!
If I ain´t cockeyed it ain´t Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain´t drunk then it ain´t Christmas
So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.
HA!
Merry fucking Christmas!
