I went down to meet my girlfriends for lunch the ones
who like to
moan and complain about their lives just like me,
But when I got there, they were smiling, they were happy, I thought
What's up with that?? What the hells up with that?
They said we've just come from our
past life therapist who took us
back to our lives gone by and man they were fine
And now we feel okay with our present cause
We had one hell of a past
And they said:
Considering the state of your sad pathetic life,
why you must have been
Some sort of cultural icon in an era gone by!
Great. Thanks.
Well, I got myself a session,
I lay down on the couch and she said,
Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
And my mind it started reeling like some psychedelic drug thing
And I found myself in a field (smelling very badly)
I heard a grunt and everything went black
Well when I came to she said, "You're not going to like this
But your past life was spent as an indigent serf
And while foraging a meal of roots and potatoes,
You were attacked by a wild boar."
I said, "Well that sounds a lot like my last blind date, are you sure you didn't get the signals crossed?" She said, "I don't think
So." I said, "Well, when I met this tragic, bloody death, was I
and indigent serf in a satisfying committed relationship?"
She said, "No."
As if my life weren't bad enough, good lord I'm more depressed
Cause I was just some low life peasant,
when I past life regressed.
She said, "We're going to try this again, usually the best possible
Past life comes to the forefront first but maybe there's something wrong with the default mechanism, lets give it another shot.
Well, she took me back further and it got more scary
I was an ice age chick who ate a deadly berry
And I stumbled out of my cave to die alone in the snow.
I said, "Well when I was this ice age chick,
did I have a man to call mine?"
She said, "Honey, when you died you were ten at the time."
I said, "Well, they started pretty young back then. . .."
She said, "No."
As if my life weren't bad enough well now I'm more depressed
Cause I was just some low life peasant
When I past life regressed
I had a friend turns out, she was Cleopatra!
I had another friend . . .um . . . she was Cleopatra as well.
I had a third friend. . . well, suffice to say
PMS around that palace must have been a living hell
But I wasn't there. I wasn't anywhere even near that
Socioeconomic strata.
Well, we kept revisiting my soul as it cycled on down
the food chain, and at every point along the spiral
I struck out miserably.
Until finally, we reached my life as a plant.
And i said, "Cross pollination! I'm getting LUCKY tonight!"
She said, "You were mugwort. And mugwort reproduces
asexually.
(Talk about setting an early precedent for yourself.)
As if my life weren't bad enough, well now I'm more depressed
Cause I was just some low life peasant
A foul smelling ignorant serf
An ice age chick probably dug up by some school kids.
Even as a DAMN PLANT I couldn't get any action
When I past life regressed.
